COHABITATION

THE BOOMERANG OF COHABITING IN CAMEROON

A couple not married to each other is considered to be cohabiting when they are living together emotionally and or physically intimate relationship.
If you are in an opposite-sex relationship, your rights as a partner may depend on whether you are married or living together. Generally speaking, you will have fewer rights if you are living together than if you are married. Although there is no legal definition of living together, it generally means to live together as a couple without being married.

In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, you can formalise aspects of your status with a partner by drawing up a legal agreement called a cohabitation contract or living together agreement. A living together agreement outlines the rights and obligations of each partner towards each other. It is not clear whether living together agreements are legally enforceable but they can be useful to remind a couple of their original intentions. In practice, instead of a living together agreement, it is possible to make a series of legally enforceable agreements on specific matters, for example, how a jointly-owned house is shared. If you want to do this, you will need legal advice.

Although rarely enforced, cohabitation is considered illegal in seven states in the United States - Florida, Michigan, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Virginia and West Virginia. Some couples prefer cohabitation because it does not legally commit them for an extended period, and because it is easier to establish and dissolve without the legal costs often associated with a divorce. In some jurisdictions cohabitation can be viewed legally as common-law marriage, either after the duration of a specified period, or the birth of the couple's child, or if the couple consider and behave accordingly as husband and wife. This helps to provide the surviving partner a legal basis for inheriting the deceased's belongings in the event of the death of their cohabiting partner.

Common-law marriage sometimes called de facto marriage, informal marriage or marriage by habit and repute is a form of interpersonal status which is legally recognized in some jurisdictions as a marriage even though no legally recognized marriage ceremony is performed or civil marriage contract is entered into or the marriage registered in a civil registry. A common law marriage is legally binding in some jurisdictions but has no legal consequence in others. In some jurisdictions without true common law marriages like Hungary, the term "common law marriage" is used as a synonym for non-marital relationships such as domestic partnership or reciprocal beneficiaries’ relationship.

Today, cohabitation is a common pattern among people in the Western world, especially those who desire marriage but whose financial situation temporarily precludes it, or who wish to prepare for what married life will be like before actually getting married, or because they see no benefit or value offered by marriage. More and more couples choose to have long-term relationships without marriage, and cohabit as a permanent arrangement.

Research shows that most couples who live together would like to get married someday, and within five years, slightly more than half of them do. People may live together for a number of reasons. - They are in love, and they want to spend more time together. They want to make sure they are compatible before they make a lifetime commitment to each other. They are engaged to be married, and decide to move in together before the wedding. They are perhaps saving money for a wedding, and figure they'll live together in the meantime. They are spending most nights together anyway and don't want to pay two rents. They don’t want to get married or cannot marry. They know their partner isn't a good match for a long-term relationship, but want to stick with this person for now. They would lose significant financial benefits if they were to marry. This predicament is especially common among senior citizens - who would sometimes lose a pension from a deceased spouse if they married and disabled people. It may also be because they are unable to legally marry, because for example same-sex, interracial or interreligious marriages are not legal or permitted. Other reasons include living with someone before marriage as a way for polygamist or polyamorists to avoid breaking the law, a way to avoid the higher income taxes paid by some two-income married couples in the United States.

In Cameroon there are some cases of females who have lost their lives as a result of cohabiting. On June 14, 2007 in the economic capital, Douala in the Littoral Province of Cameroon, a fourth year student of the faculty of Economic Science, University of Douala, Amandine Azebaze, age twenty- three was strangled to death in their home by her boy friend Blaise Deffo a barber by profession.

Blaise and Amandine were cohabiting; locally called in pidgin (CWS) “COME WE STAY”. After the act Blaise attempted suicide by stabbing himself. A neighbor broke in and Blaise was rushed to the hospital while Amandine’s corpse was transported to the mortuary. It is alleged that the reason for Blaise actions was because Amandine wanted to end the relationship after they have been living together for sometime. To this, her friends question if love is by force.

Apparently the students of the University of Douala especially her course mates with whom she attended lectures that morning took to the streets with banners in hand, marching from their campus to the hospital. Their aim was to notify the administration, public and the media that every human being has fundamental human rights, which includes the right to live. Therefore no body has the right to exterminate another person’s life. As such, justice should take its course.

Years back in Yaounde the capital city of Cameroon a similar incident had taken place. In this case, the man was a Tailor and was sponsoring the girl in the University of Yaounde. The girl in her final year decides she wanted to call off the relationship, to this the guy locked up and sent the house ablaze; killing them both.

In another cohabiting story, this time in Buea in the South West Province of Cameroon, Eleanor now a graduate in Public Administration and Mbella a graduate in Law had been cohabiting for seven years as students and have two daughters, three and four years respectively.

Although Eleanor lived with Mbella, her family was still in charge of her education. She had to care for her home, kids and study at the same time. Eleanor in her twenties has constantly been battered by Mbella who is about thirty years old. According to Eleanor the children are traumatized, as a result, they get frantic and start crying each time their dad starts yelling; since they know their mom would eventually be mal- handled.

In one of Mbella’s battering flings, he beat Eleanor up and she ended up admitted in hospital. Besides one of his sisters, neither him nor any of his family member showed up at the hospital. When Eleanor was discharged she went to live with her family, Mbella accosted her later giving her an ultimatum to return to his house.

She did not. He saw her again asking for forgiveness and that if she had actually forgiven him then she should accompany him to a party. She refused stating she is still recovering. Mbella insisted he needed just her company even if she would not dance. At the party a guy approached Eleanor for a dance even though she declined, Mbella was enraged and this ensues in to a fight.

Eleanor thence took the decision never to return to live with him again. A few months after Eleanor now living in another town helping in her father’s palm oil mill came around to visit her children who where now living with their paternal grandmother and aunts. Mbella came in, started scolding and asked her to leave. Amidst their exchange of words Mbella punched her neck to further defend herself, she got hold of an ovaltine bottle and crashed on his head.

Eleanor later was not proud of her action and even tried to seek a truce but this fell on deaf ears. However, Eleanor cannot get to see her kids. With her motherly love for her children she decided to visit them at school. To her total dismay the children upon seeing her fled crying. The school authorities tried to find out what was going on; since Eleanor was their mom and usually dropped and pick them from school as such they were surprised with the children’s reaction towards their mother. The children informed them that their dad told them to not get close to Eleanor because she was not their mom. Eleanor stunned and in a melancholic state went immediately to the State Counsel Office and was later referred to the Social Welfare service to seek legal redress. She was given convocation to serve Mbella.

What amazes Eleanor is that, about two weeks back when she visited the kids whom she had not seen for about three months they happily rushed to her, now just within two weeks after the last incident with Mbella the children are running away from her. She is tortured about the thought of loosing her children and what worries her more is that Mbella’s mother is not educated and his sister’s are nonchalant, as a result the children would have a set back in their education, morals and personal hygiene- especially when she sees them with unkempt hair. Sometimes she has to sneak to an opposite neighbours house not to be noticed by Mbellas’ family just to watch her children playing outside.

There have been other cases of domestic violence that has caused the death of many women - like a case of a man who battered the pregnant wife and she eventually died with her unborn twin. Actually the government of Cameroon is trying to discourage cohabiting. Most couples from a survey by the Ministry of Women Empowerment and the Family, claim they would love to legalise their relationship but this is hindered due to the cost involve.

The Ministry discovered that girls and women in this kind of relationship are not secured since they have no legal document backing them as a result; they are subjected to domestic violence, abuse of their rights and abandonment.

To ameliorate this situation, the Ministry of Women Empowerment and the Family together with the Ministry of Territorial Administration and Decentralization have now introduced Mass Marriages with no charges at the Municipal Councils. All that is expected by the couples is for them to come along with a portrait in which their heads are joint together and their rings. We are still to appreciate the effectiveness of this merger, since it is a common phenomenon in Cameroon that certain decrees are more of theory than practical.

By Cecile Enie

WOMEN'S RIGHTS

WHY EMACIPATION OF WOMEN?

By Enie Ndoh Cecile

I do hereby express my profound gratitude for this occasion that has offered this privileged opportunity to put this massage across to women around the globe. You know for millions of years back, women have been referred to as the weaker sex, with fowl brains. The men have always dominated them, taking the laws into their hands to treat women the way deem fit. Some feel the woman’s place is in the kitchen, to bare children, care for the house, husband and kids. Others by their culture consider that their sole duty is to be a ‘breadwinner’ by providing feeding money and some other financial fulfillments. Finally, it is the woman who caters for her children, usually single-handed, especially when they are still young. While the man if not at his job side should be drinking with friends or enjoying himself one way or the other, only God knows how.

Most men feel women are naïve, so therefore know nothing and cannot talk anything reasonable or substantial; popularly known as “women’s talk”. With this notion they neither seek nor adhere to their advice. To others, women cannot stand certain jobs. They forget completely that there are some things a woman can do which some men would not dare attempt. In fact, to some men with polygamous culture, women are things you collect and pile as and exhibition of their wealth. They therefore have taken upon themselves with the natural phenomenon that there are more females than males, so they marry these women to show signs of machismos and wealth. These women are in turn supposed to worship this man as their king.

Today women are striving with the zeal to prove their men wrong with their favorite saying “WHAT A MAN CAN DO, A WOMAN CAN DO EVEN BETTER”. Women of this generation are fighting to prove their men wrong and the statement right. Now women maintain executive and powerful positions as – Presidents, Pilots, Astronauts, Director Generals, Ambassadors, Prime Ministers, Parliamentarians, Vice-Chancellors and other top executive and challenging jobs. Some of these women have proven to hold these key positions even better than most men could.

I presume this is due to the natural love and prowess God had given them, to use to care and raise their children and run their homestead effectively. Women as mothers from generation to generation have discovered it can be used to build a nation and in effect a more peaceful and united world.

The African woman should also keep up to this challenge of women liberation and violence, so that it can be wiped out. To be able to make it and prove to some of our men folk who are still unenlightened about the capabilities of a woman.

To achieve this goal, we have to strive and thrive for higher heights in education and what ever resourceful activities we engage in. We must study whatever we prefer. Our efforts should not take into consideration some of the negative thoughts, expressions or utterances about educated and affluent women in the society.

The Rural women in the village should be enlightened on how to keep themselves from having too many children with yearly intervals, for them to stay healthy and live longer to see these children grow. As such they should be educated on family planning and their women’s rights. They should be exposed and provided with easier ways to carry out their duties, that is, labor saving devices should be introduced for grinding, tilling and toiling. Portable water supply should also be provided in our rural communities since women and children domestic chores involve providing water for home use. In most suburbs setting they travel distances to fetch water and firewood.

As concern violence on women in which some men have taken upon themselves to beat women should stop. I uphold women are exactly like the men, but for the difference in our anatomy. So why can’t we have 50/50 in our relationships for us to respect the men and they in turn show us some respect rather than treating us like one of their children or slaves. We all as human beings are liable to commit offences, make errors at one point or the other, so why most a woman be beaten because she offended her husband. Is it also logical for her to beat her spouse if he also does something mean? Why not quietly call her attention to it and as a good woman she will surely apologies and take corrections. Women in general and the African woman in particular should strive to be career women, to fight to be liberated and put a stop to violence. They should aim to achieve prosperity in life. As Ruth Rose puts it ‘the purpose of a prospering woman is to show how natural it is to prosper. Prosperity is experiencing a balance in life. It is attaining what we want on mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial levels. Prosperity is the natural result of opening our minds, willing to act on our ideas from this perspective, to prosper have nothing to do with being either male or female’.

What puzzles me most is this issue of a woman who gives birth to only female children or have more females than males, which are usually considered a bad omen or curse or taboo especially among most African cultures that belief in male inheritance. I do not even know what word or expression to use, but such instances usually leaves some of the men in a melancholic mood as if it was the woman’s fault. There are cases whereby woman and children have been neglected or sent packing after lots of insults from the man.

Funny enough, the truth and facts in child bearing shows that a man’s genetic composition entails both the X and Y chromosomes, meant for producing both the male and female sexes. As such, if he releases biologically the X chromosome, which meets with the woman’s fertile egg, the result would be the birth of the female child. In the case of releasing the Y chromosome, the result would be the birth of the male child.

Nevertheless, these female children at times are more advantageous when it comes to assisting their parents, since that’s what parents hope for. I do plead with women, not to even wish to be a man before engaging in any activities. Even if it is wrestling, boxing or military training, sky diving whichever you are interested in, dangerous or not if you have the guts you just go ahead and do it. To make these men reason and be aware that, the women are no longer that part of which God took from them, but full flesh human beings like them.

Women of Africa, please come out of your shells, wake up and fight for your rights, like your counterparts in the other part of the globe. Be certain, due to your natural tenderness of love and peace, you are sure to be greater and better leaders in future.

As food for thought I leave you to digest this message from Gold Touch International.

BE TOUGH WOMAN

Be tough woman

Be brave.

Go out fearlessly and do the things

that your heart desires to do

You will be counted in the world

don’t allow fear to paralyze you.

Stand up and face the challenges

of life squarely in the face,

however great it may be.

Forge ahead and conquer

march on to victory that awaits you

No one will toss victory that awaits you

you have to win yourself

Carve out a place for yourself in the sun woman.

Let no fear destroy that great dream of yours

don’t fear to be laughed at

don’t fear to be criticized

don’t fear to fail.

Don’t fear to be thought crazy when you dare

to do those things that others fear to do.

Be tough and march on
You will conquer, women

you have what it takes

to win all the victories

that your heart desires to win.
Be tough and win.

WOMEN'S RIGHTS

Female Genital Mutilation - A Heinous Practice
By Cecile Ndoh Enie

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) or female circumcision is one of the oldest and most harmful, traditional or cultural practices affecting the health of women and girls in some communities around the world.

According to a Wikipedia report, the traditional cultural practice predates both Islam and Christianity. A Greek papyrus from 163 B.C mentions girls in Egypt undergoing FGM. It is widely accepted to have originated in Egypt and the Nile valley at the time of the Pharaohs. Evidence from mummies has shown FGM present. While the spread of FGM is unknown, the procedure is now practiced among Muslims, Christians and Animist.

A World Health Organization Report (WHO) stated that, between 100 – 140 million girls and women in the world are estimated to have undergone such procedure, and 3 million girls are estimated to be at risk of undergoing FGM every year. In addition, FGM has been documented in 28 African countries as well as several countries in Asia and Middle East. Some form of practice has also been reported from other countries including certain ethnic groups in Central and South America. There is also evidence of increasing number of girls and women living outside Europe, who have undergone or may be undergoing FGM.
In Cameroon, it is practiced in some villages in the South west, Far North and Eastern Provinces. Around 60% of all Nigerian women experience FGM and it is most common in the south, where up to 85% of women undergo it at some point in their lives.

The practice varies from area to area. In this regard, some perform the operation on infants as young as a few days old or on children between the ages seven to ten years or adolescents and often-on women who are about to marry. More so, the type of surgical forms differs.

WHO separates FGM procedures into four types, - The removal or splitting of the clitoral hood termed Hoodectomy. The excision of the clitoris with partial or total excision of the labia minora, also known as Khafd, meaning reduction in Arabic. The excision of part or all of the external genitalia and stitching/ narrowing of the vaginal opening known as infibulation. What are left are a very smooth surface and a small opening to permit urination and menstrual discharge. The artificial opening is some time not larger than the flammable end of a matchstick. It is the most extreme form and accounts for about 15% of all FGM procedures. Infibulation is also known as Pharaonic circumcision. The fourth type is other forms and may not involve any tissue removal at all. This includes a diverse range of practices, including prickling the clitoris with needless, burning or scaring the genitals as well as ripping or tearing of the vagina or introducing herbs into the vagina to cause bleeding and a narrow vagina.

Like other crude traditional practices such as widowhood, women perform FGM and this ritual is mostly accompanied by celebrations and often takes place in a special hidden place away from the community. The women Excisors who carry out these operations acquired their skills from their mothers or female relatives. They are also the community’s traditional birth attendants. In most cases anesthetic is not administered instead, three or four women hold down the child while the operation is done and this takes between 10 – 20 minutes depending on its nature. The wound is treated by applying mixtures of local herbs such as, earth, cow-dung, ash or butter depending on the skills of the Excisor.

The motive behind FGM is on the grounds that, it decreases women sexual desire, hygiene aesthetics, facility of sexual relations, fertility, preserving the women’s virginity before marriage and fidelity then after, marking the coming of age of the female child and controlling sexuality. Although FGM is practiced within particular religious sub-cultures, the arguments used to justify FGM vary. They range from health- related to social benefits.

Generally, largely rural women living in traditional societies preserve the practice. Some societies hold in order to be clean for marriage, female circumcision is a pre -condition. Among the Bambara in Mali, it is believed that, if the clitoris touches the head of a baby being born the child will die. The clitoris is seen as the male characteristic of a woman. In order to enhance her femininity, this male part of her has to be removed.

Health wise, complications resulting from deep cuts and infected instruments can cause death. Hemorrhage can occur during circumcision, or accidental cuts to other organs can also lead to heavy loss of blood. Acute infections are commonplace when operations of infibulations are carried out in unhygienic surroundings and with un-sterilized instruments like - kitchen knife, razor blade, a piece of glass or even sharp fingernails. Even so, tetanus and general septicemia, chronic infection can also lead to infertility and anemia. Considering the same tools are usually repeated on numerous girls, it increases the risk of blood-transmitted diseases including HIV/AIDS.

Haematocolpos or the inability to pass menstrual blood (because the remaining opening is often too small) can lead to infection of other organs and also infertility, obstetric. The most frequent health problem results from vicious scars in the clitoral zone after excision. These scars open during childbirth and cause the anterior perineum to tear, leading to hemorrhaging that is often difficult to stop.

Psychologically, most children experience recurring nightmare. Girls, who are FGM victims, have come to terms with the fact that they are not like majority of their friends. Thus, mood swings and irritability, constant states of depression and anxiety have all been noted among infibulated girls.

un-sterilized instruments used for FGM

The practice violates among other International Human Rights Laws, the right of the child to “enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health as laid down in Article 24 (paras 1and 3) of the convention on the rights of the child.

Still from a WHO report, many countries have put in place policies and legislation to ban FGM. The number of women who do not want to continue the practice is increasing, and there are indications that the prevalence is declining in some countries, and that it is less prevalent in younger than in older age groups.
Despite, these successes however, the overall decline has been very slow. Hence, to accelerate the process of abandonment of the practice, there is an urgent need for increased and improved work by all actors, since there is evidence, now that we know what is necessary to stimulate large- scale and speedy abandonment.
More so, some highly successful projects, increased knowledge about FGM and the reasons for its continuation as well as experiences with a vast variety of interventions, possible to significantly reduce the prevalence within one generation. This momentum suggesting that such a change is possible and that the willingness to invest the necessary resources can be achieved.

WHO is working on several fronts to contribute to the elimination of FGM. WHO is also contributing by supporting and initiating research within several fields. Another important contribution from WHO is working towards improved health care for the millions of girls and women who are living with the consequences of FGM.
The United Nations Fund for Population Activities recognizes February 6th as the International Day against FGM. The push to end FGM by WHO and other Global Health Organizations have been for several decades but, due to the importance in traditional and religious life, the practice remains in many societies.